Dating a Man From A different culture

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Dating a Man From A different culture

Postby MissingHome » Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:05 pm

While I'm half Japanese by blood, I grew in Middle America for a good chunk of my life. So I grew up with the Western, Americanized traditions of dating. While you're expected to be respectful of parents, if they didn't like you that was their problem. A relationship is between you and your boyfriend. But I've been dating this Korean guy for a couple months now and I feel a culture shock with all the expectations his family has for us, specifically me. His parents hate me but they are willing to overlook that I'm half Japanese because I've been raised mostly in America. He's gotten a call in the middle of dinner and his mom will tell him to go do an errand. He'll drop our date and we will go run it. He'll try to make it up later but it's a bit off putting. Family is first, I get that, but I wish he would wait for after the date. He jokes that I don't understand because I'm not Asian enough but I wonder if I'll ever be really right for him. Have you found that you've lived somewhere so long that you've lost some traditions and mindsets?
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Re: Dating a Man From A different culture

Postby Rhodolite » Mon Sep 12, 2016 11:02 pm

I'm not half myself but I know where you're coming from in a sense and I come from a very Korean family so I hope I can give you some insight. Hoo boy Korean guy and you're half Japanese, that's gotta grind some gears on the parents for sure. It depends on the family but if they're anything like mine with a bloody history of the Japanese Occupation ingrained in the family mindset then there's gonna be some friction. Depending on your other half that's also up in the air too. Then there's like you said, family first obligation that's pretty insular with the Korean immigrant community. In Korea it's not as insane, but for some reason moving to the States makes Korean families really really uptight. Doesn't necessarily apply to all but it's a common feature as is the whole 'how Korean are you' kind of rigorous testing that they will put you through. I've been put through the wringer many times because of my US birth, upbringing and the fact that my mother was a mythical unicorn single mother. There's a common saying that when you're dating someone you're also dating their family and it applies to marriage later on...and it's very true.
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Re: Dating a Man From A different culture

Postby aescopri » Mon Oct 10, 2016 11:37 am

Personally, being from a relatively liberal family, my parents emphasised the importance of love over skin colour. While they don't really understand what it's like to date someone from another country (being both Japanese), they're great at encouraging me to think about their personality, above all.
The only bias that they have is that, while they are liberal, they do prefer asians.
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Re: Dating a Man From A different culture

Postby Ali » Mon Oct 10, 2016 2:35 pm

I think my parents prefer you to marry from the same culture, but mine know that is very unlikely. I had a Chinese boyfriend at one point and we are still friends, but there was pressure and it didn't work out.

These days parents need to be realistic about things, and while arranged marriages still take place isn't it time that parents let their children choose? After all it's their happiness that counts rather than how it looks to society?

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